Man Blasted for Warning Girlfriend About Her Male Friends: 'I Told Her So'

A man has been slammed online for trying to "warn" his girlfriend about her male friends after one of them tried to hit on her.

"My girlfriend and I have been together for about a year now," the man wrote on Reddit. "My girlfriend has more than a few guy friends, and I'm not one of those guys that thinks men and women can't be friends. However, it's very clear that they want more than just friendship from her. It's clear as day to the point where I don't understand how she doesn't see it."

The Redditor went on to share that when he's raised his opinion on the matter and expressed his concerns and insecurities over her male friends, his girlfriend has gotten "upset" with him.

"She tells me that I am being jealous and reading into things that aren't there," the man explained in his detailed post.

"I argue back that I'm just letting her know and that as a guy, I can probably tell much better [what the intentions of her friends are] than she can since women tend to be a little slow regarding things like this," he added.

The Redditor continued that on a recent night out with her female friends and one male friend, the male friend said some "inappropriate" things to his girlfriend that implied that he wants to be with her.

"She was made uncomfortable by this and the night ended shortly after," the man recounted.

Can Men and Women Ever Really Be "Just Friends"?

Qualified relationship and sex therapist Georgina Vass broke down the age-old question for Newsweek.

"Data suggests that heterosexual men have less to worry about with their girlfriend's male friends than heterosexual women for their male friends. According to research among heterosexual students, men reported more attraction to female friends than females reported attraction to male friends. In this study, men also overestimated the amount of attraction by their female friends and women underestimated the attraction of male friends to them," Vass explained.

The findings indicate that partnered heterosexual men have less to worry about than the Reddit post may imply.

"However, jealousy can occur for many reasons such as unrealistic expectations, fear of abandonment, and being insecure," Vass continued.

"Research has shown that occasional emotional or reactive jealousy is normal and can even be positive in a relationship. However, unhealthy jealousy categorized by suspicious, accusatory or controlling behavior can destroy relationships," she added.

The relationship expert went on to say that individuals who feel rather uncomfortable with their partner's friends of the opposite sex should do the work needed to monitor and identify any intrusive or distressing thoughts on the matter.

"It may be useful to pinpoint what exactly you are threatened by and reflect upon that. Addressing the origins and feelings of jealousy can be an opportunity for self-growth and may positively impact your relationship," Vass explained.

She recommends that while people validate how they're feeling on the matter, they avoid unhelpful thinking styles like making assumptions, judgements or catastrophizing.

"One exercise for this could be to imagine that your negative thoughts were on trial, what would be the evidence for and against it and then considering all of the evidence, what would the verdict be? It's helpful to think about if there is a more balanced way of viewing this," Vass suggested.

"Trust is fundamental to healthy relationships too," she concluded.

Founder and CEO of dating app BONKERS John Davidson agrees with Vass and argues that while people in relationships can worry about their partner's inner circle, they shouldn't spend too much time on these thoughts.

"Men and women can absolutely be just friends," Davidson told Newsweek.

"I think we're innately made to believe that we can't; whether this is through popular culture or media presence over the years. If you share the same interests in life it shouldn't matter if you're male or female, you should explore that. I think the issue comes when either men or women don't make the nature of the relationships clear, so be transparent," he added.

Sex and relationship expert Pippa Murphy also reinforced the views of Vass and Davidson.

"There are several reasons why men and women can be just friends from a relationship expert's point of view," she told Newsweek.

According to Murphy, it's important to understand that attraction and romantic feelings are not always present between friends of different genders, contrary to the popular belief.

"While there may be initial physical attraction, it does not necessarily mean that the friendship will turn into a romantic relationship," she added.

Like Davidson, Murphy believes that strong friendships are built on shared interests, values, and experiences, which can absolutely transcend gender much like other groupings.

"When people have a deep connection based on shared experiences, it can create a strong bond that is not based on romantic attraction," Murphy concluded.

Since it was shared to the social media platform on April 4 @NurseYakub, the Reddit post, which can be seen here, has been upvoted by 89% of the users who engaged with it and commented on over 4,800 times. The post has been slammed by the majority of the users who responded to it, and has ruffled more than a few feathers. Some women have raised that the post comes off as quite derogatory and misogynistic.

"Wow, as a woman this was extremely revelatory. Now I know that whenever I need to determine if something a man says to me is just a sincere, harmless compliment vs. him subtly hitting on me, I can just ask someone with a faster man brain to help me out. Yay! I learned something today," one female user wrote sarcastically.

Have you noticed any red flags that made you end a relationship? Let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.

Uncommon Knowledge

Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.

Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.

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